However, while strutting my fine stuff into the office one day….enjoying a giant cup of coffee…I dare uttered the word I fought so heavily against…I’VE CONVERTED….I LOVE “THE COFFEE BEAN!” AHHHHHHHH! (Gasp…quiet…gasp…tears)
I still hold true that I like Starbies better by default and b/c of the sheer fact that the positives out weight Coffee Bean’s – Shall we assess ?
First a little bit of a back story…..
Okay, so I get home….My coffee was so good, it couldn’t possibly have been ZERO CALORIES….So I had to Internet search the nutritional information (Which wasn’t easy info to find exactly- Gripe #1) and of course….50 Calories – not bad, but when your already at your limit – it could make or break my day…but whatever, the taste was worth it!
BACK STORY OVER…..Now, let’s move onto THE BATTLE OF THE BEANERY!
STARBIES Vs. THE COFFEE BEAN
– LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION (On every corner, in every mall/shopping center, available to buy everywhere, even in office buildings now)
– ACCESSIBILITY IS FANTASTIC – I can always get in, find the “order line”, clearly marked “Pick Up Area”, Parking lots are easy in and out…..IT’S JUST EASY – and when I’m as busy and on-the-go as I am…That’s what I need!
– GOOD COFFEE and Consistent…You always know what you are going to get and it always taste the same
– LOTS OF FOOD OPTIONS = FOOD FOR EVERYONE – Healthy, fatty, in-between – Hot, cold, in-between…the food pickings are endless- Something FOR EVERYONE!!! I’m just saying!
– TONS OF DRINK OPTIONS – shit, they can do your drink at 108.25769 Degrees Celsius if you needed….You can make up a drink, be the most high-maintenance chick/man (whatevs) there is – and they won’t bat an eyelash…DONE- Starbies words to live by!!!!
– FRIENDLY, CHATTY (Sometimes too chatty), FAST, Generally cool STAFF – So important! My new philosophy when hiring new employees – hire someone that worked at Starbies – they can multi-task, take shit from shitty people, think on the fly, think outside the box for the crazies that come in, know hard work, usually work crazy hours, Loyal loyal loyal, know how to deal w/clients (can I say ANAL), if they make a mistake – they are smart and give you tons of free shit to keep you coming back!!! And most of all – they take pride in knowing your name/your drink/and making you happy every morning!!! (What am I talking about hiring for….SHIT…Marry someone that has worked at Starbies)
– ENTERTAINMENT at your fingertips – Can we just say – Sheer Genius….Marketing people need to be applauded – Bravo!!!! Music…now movies….what next?? I know what they should do next, I don’t want to tell in hopes they will hire me so then I can get paid to give away all my fantastical ideas – I’m just saying!
– ATMOSPHERE – It’s not just coffee – IT’S AN EXPERIENCE…..Usually very inviting, Calming/cozy decorating – it feels upscale yet not too good for our ghetto booties parking it in a giant chair, great layout and the way it flows, Furniture is comfy (for the most part), and some even have a fire place – I’m just sayin….yet again!
……….I’m sure I’ll think of more!
– Coffee isn’t THAT fantastic….doesn’t embody my entire mouth – taste bud to taste bud – Can taste watered down and not that thick and rich.
– If you like spontaneity – having the drink exactly how you like would not be a plus
– Lines are OH so long sometimes…which is why they need to open one on every corner (so there!)
-……Can’t think of much more right now!
THE COFFEE BEAN LIKES:
– GREAT COFFEE – Very Good tasting quality coffee. Not watered down, very encapsulating (does that work in this sentence? – it’s late, i’m tired), it fills the taste buds oh so nice….
– POWDER BASED FIXINGS = more richer taste, less need for doctoring up!
– BRAND – Nice design packaging, simple and chic
– …..shit…I’ll think of more I am sure!!
THE COFFEE BEAN GRIPES:
– LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION – I don’t want to hear it….I have spent the last month going an extra mile to get to a Coffee Bean, then after finally finding a location – getting stuck just trying to get in the parking lot (either one way only….exit only – which takes you to another street entirely and before you know it, you don’t know where the “F” you are), Can’t buy the coffee at Target and/or grocery, not on every corner and if it is – it’s on a shitty no parking corner!!
– ACCESSIBILITY – I finally…after 30 minutes of sweating and nasty swearing trying to sustain my coffee fix…..I get in…and b/c I am a novice at the COFFEE BEAN, I’m confused: Its NOT clearly marked where to order, the registers are high/counters high (yes I can see over them- assholes – that’s not the issue – it’s like they are afraid of germs and the employees are hiding – TOO MUCH OF A BARRIER Damn it….F what people say – I want personal contact!!! The whole experience just is too much for my brain BEFORE the caffeine – that’s all!!! Please don’t make me think until I’ve shot up…
– LACK OF FOOD/LACK OF OPTIONS/LACK OF NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION – Options are slim (yes some of the things they have are tasty I’m sure – but I’ve never been able to order anything yet) / No hot, cold, in-between options / Nutritional info is probably not readily available b/c most of their stuff is fattening/highcal – and FYI – Organic doesn’t mean healthy !!!! “Hello, McFLY…Anyone in there????” (I think their Mkting/buyers are going for an “Environment Chic” – Earth Wind Fire mindset 😉 – what???
– STAFF NOT FRIENDLY/FAST/MULTITASKERS/ETC (okay so this doesn’t pertain to all but just ALL the staff I’ve encountered – for the most part) – They hide behind the high walls of “Coffee Bean town” in their bubble world, if you accidentally say “Venti” it’s as if they’ve never heard the word – c’mon people, they get confused when you ask for one scoop of “no sugar added Vanilla” – Not 1 3/4 scoops – JUST ONE!!!!!!!! Which leads me to believe if I asked for a double tall n/f s/f Vanilla extra foam 106 degrees latte – they would pass the F out….I’m just saying!! And quite frankly: They aren’t that friendly, my drink isn’t ready when I walk in, they don’t make nice chit chat, and I DON”T GET FREE SHIT WHEN THEY FUCK UP….”BIG Mistake, HUGE!!!!”
– ATMOSPHERE – not that great, not that cozy, furniture isn’t that lovely….the stuff they sell is pricey…..and NO ENTERTAINMENT….pshaw…..
But, I think they are getting there!!! We will see, I love my cup of coffee w/ 1 SCOOP – not 1 3/4 SCOOPS of no added sugar Vanilla b/c damn it – It’s SO GOOD! So when I see a Coffee Bean and can get in the parking lot and out and still make it to work on time, I will fork over the rest of my GRIPES and bite the bullet – so be it!
Some blog about World Peace, Global Hunger, Environmental Issues (which proudly I’m becoming aware and making changes) even Politics….I….well I choose to blog about COFFEE WARS!!!! It’s a thang, it’s an issue, IT’s HAPPENING RIGHT NOW PEOPLE – so Deal – you can either be a part of the problem or a part of the solution….THE COFFEE BEAN OR STARBIES….Make a difference! Now I’m shutting up b/c now I think I’m done….
(BTW – This blog was a span of many nights – adding here and there – no, I did not sit down for hours upon hours just to regurgitate all this random nonsensical coffee business….this shit was well thought out;), well kind of)
Sharing is Caring!!!!