PATCHES!!! WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN PATCHES!!!
I made it. A day and a night in the wilderness = a lot more than I bargained for.
It all started with an innocent phone call to the padre (aka my dad) to tell him I’d be heading down for a visit. The only thing I had prepared to do for Father’s Day was rough it in the OC. We all know what it’s like behind the orange curtain 😉 However, as per usual, he had neglected to inform me that his whereabouts included a giant mountain with lions and tigers and bears, oh my! That’s cool, I’m an adventurer, I can hang. Shoot, it ain’t my first rodeo! And it was Father’s Day – Present #1 (my presence) – Check!
The only instructions (per my dad) was to make sure to bring “Shawna food” whatever that means 😉 Ok, I can do this, like camping right? (Oh right, like the last time after college. Where I was talked into partaking in a Tennessee nightmare, where my best friend Allison showed up from ATL for 8 hours and saved the day with actual food) Perhaps, I was being overly dramatic, it’s just the mountains, a cabin, fun times! Needless to say, I ended up packing the car with two giant Trader Joe’s Bags full of ‘Shawna Food’ for 1 night! 1 night and 1 day to be precise. Stuffed Roxy (my freshly washed, very white fluffy dog) into the car and headed east.
As I ventured into the wilderness high in the mountains (Green Valley to be exact) I was excited and ready to get dirty-ish. Although part of me slightly nervous, so I made sure to signal the world via FB before I left that they may have to send out the rescue troops – make that, Troops from Beverly Hills. I mean, growing up watching TROOP BEVERLY HILLS (Shelly Long really did teach me everything I know). I figured I had it in the bag, for the most part. I’m not gonna lie, I was hoping to recreate our own Kumbaya moment, a tribute if you will.
I was on my way – woohoo – look out ruggid hot mountain men, here I come!! Jammin to my playlist in the car, sun roof down, windows down, sunshine baby! Co-pilot…The Rockstar! Done and done. Winding up the mountain, beautiful. There were a few moments I would look over to Roxy bracing herself against the seat looking as if she was about to puke or scared for her dog life. But we were crusin! Reality sunk in when I got to the top of Big Bear and discovered I had NO cell service. Guess who my provider is?? Go on, sure you’ll nail it in the first guess! Oh My Hell. It was survival already, I still wasn’t that close to the cabin and now I really had to find my way – solo. Directions?! I don’t need no stinkin directions!
I rolled through the cute town of Big Bear and Green Valley day dreaming. A mini movie started playing in my mind (yikes) with clips of me in the mountains wearing flannel, trail blazing & frolicking through the woods on an adventure into the wild, kayaking down a river or on a canoe in the lake (tomatoe/tomato) but all included a hot sexy man (no shirt of course), followed with a bon fire for toasting marshmallows singing Kumbaya! Just your average mountain shenanigans really.
Needless to say, I made it. Not quite the fantasy mini movie, however, it was still a mountain adventure in the making. A lot of Dirt. I walked 5 feet and was covered. My white dog, yep, not so white anymore. Fire ants, coyotes, snakes…yes please. Lake with paddle boats and fisherman – YAY! More dirt – hey I can handle-ish! Honest, It was great to just get away and relax that first day. Hang out on the deck, get some sun, hike through the mountains making sure to not step on rattle snake homes — some slight running did occur when we happened on a pack of coyotes. All was good. In the name of Adventure – a family adventure. Some wine, fire, food – in that order.
Not sure if this stuff happens because I’m there? Ya know, I’ve accepted it, shenanigans are part of my life – good and bad. There was a visit to the ER late in the night Saturday. Our favorite little man (3 yr old) had experienced new allergies that had caused some serious asthma attacks of which he never had before. He is okay, but was scared. I wonder if the scare factor had any help from the nurses (Apparently the nurses in Big Bear are tall, bearded, and wear flannel – you do the math) In my head I was picturing the scene from ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING – Remember when they go to the scary ER for the knife in Brad’s toe and it’s like everyone is high and crazy. Only this time the doc was a bearded mountain nurse…no me gusta! Apparently the nurses at the Big Bear ER were really nice and little man was okay. Crisis averted – all is good.
And then there was a fire ant dance resulting in no pants! I guess letting Roxy out to pee in my flippy floppies standing in one position for 5 minutes in a pile of leaves wasn’t a good idea? I wasn’t sure if it was my mind playing tricks or if me smacking my legs was actually necessary. Because I am who I am, I was more concerned on getting my coffee on. It’s early, it’s Father’s day, we are in kitchen trying to prepare coffee as I keep smacking my legs. My dad already thinks I’m nuts, this didn’t help. I didn’t give him back story either. Then I get freakin bit!!! I kick my leg out so hard that I…
2. I look like I am doing’The Freddy’ (TROOP BEVERLY HILLS – you know you know it)
3. My dad looks concerned that a.) I may be crazy b.) am i seriously hurt?
4. I start to cry…sadly the bite hurt less than me busting a hip joint as I flailed uncontrollably. No bueno.
I’m still smacking, flailing and crying and soon to be de-robing. I throw the coffee pot to my dad to take over as I start to kick off my pants in the kitchen and run to the bathroom – All while screaming FIRE ANTS IN MY PANTS!!!! Yes, these are the days of my life. It doesn’t end there…Oh no. An adventure with a toilet that has a remote control takes place. I kid you not. Everything you need (In a man too) comes with this toilet. It’s the toilet that keeps on giving. If only, if only I could really explain everything it does. I’ll post a picture – they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
The rest of the morning was delightful, spent with family, coffee, pups, and Father’s day cupcakes for breakfast. (Presnt #2 – Check Check). Tastalicious-Superstitious-make the folks go loco! I brought them from FROSTED CUPCAKERY (a relatively new place in Hollywood) Rave reviews! Everyone went nuts – especially since these folks are dessert professionals. I mean, c’mon – we were eating them for breakfast! If you like cupcakes but have issues with overwhelmingly rich frosting/cake (Sprinkles, etc.) – try this place!!! They are great, easy access, and they have PUPCAKES for the dogs. YES!!!! No one misses out on the party. They also always have fun random interesting flavor of the months. This month, Strawberry Lemonade! They also have these little cute decorative toothpics that say “Happy Father’s Day”, “I love you”, “congrats” etc that you can put in the cakes. Next to try is there ICE CREAM CUPCAKES. Um, you had me at cupcake baby!!! http://frostedfrequency.blogspot.com/
All that said (and that was a few pages full – I know, verbal garbage)…I made it!!! It was a spontaneously fun 1 day and 1 night in the mountains. Survival of the fittest indeed!!! Good times with the Padre and family. Photos below. Cry, Sing Kumbaya, Laugh, enjoy!