Dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Let Me See That THONGGGG…..
I often feel like the only person that will not give in to the Thong! Call me crazy, old school, granny panty wearer, whatever! I like to know that those cheeks are held in tight, secure and are not left to have a mind of their own. Baby got back and I’ve got to ensure that the booty stays in tact. I even don’t care what kind of panty line may show, regardless of working out/formal event/night on the prowl, bring on the panty line!
All that being said, I was given some Thong action for my bday. And no, not from a hot sexy significant other. More like a friend possibly hinting that I may need to tap into a more sexy, spontaneous, get some action side of me. Well, let me tell you, those babies have stayed perfectly crisp and new in my drawer. UNTIL……
…Last night!!! This is how it happened, basically, I’m at the end of my clean underwear. I have only a few left. And those few, are being saved for those upcoming events and night on the town where I need to lock them in tight and keep those cheeks in check! Yes, I could just do my laundry already but please…Laundry is a pretty penny in my building so until I can make a big trip to the Fluff and Fold, I’m stretching what I have out as long as possible!
In this hour of desperation I stumble across the dreaded Thong. I’ve tried to wear prior and have only made it through 5 minutes of hell. Friends insist that there are certain kinds of thongs that make all the difference. Perhaps. Not on this ass. I’ve been open, I’ve listened to the arguments, I’ve forked over a few bucks and purchased that mini piece of fabric. NO BUENO! But I consider it. Maybe it’s like shrimp or mushrooms, where I kept trying and trying for years to like, and finally, it hits you – it’s AMAZING. So…..I tried again……
1. First, let’s just say for the record, my ass does not look good in a thong. I mean seriously. Seriously. No, Seriously! Mad props to those V-Secrets ladies, but after countless hours, days, years of working out and hiking, it has only made a difference in how good these girls (butt cheeks – I don’t have boobs) look in granny panties. I’m just sayin. True story.
2. I think I attempted to pick a wedgie for a good solid three hours.
SIDE NOTE – I did put these on a few hours before bed thinking I’d warm into them and get used to the feeling knowing I’d be asleep for most of it. Yeah, not so much.
3. The girls (butt cheeks) thought they had free reign. Honest, I got nervous to let my dog out for fear someone would catch a glimpse – and yes, I was wearing pants. I felt so naked, so exposed! And the girls were huge! I caught a glimpse in the mirror. Every so often, I would feel them give each other a high-five! WTF.
4. I continued to pick a wedgie through the night, I think I finally got to the point where I just moved “it” (aka-the thong) over onto one butt cheek. Ahhhh. Seriously relief and sleep!
Some people are not meant for the Thong TheThong Thong Thong! I feel like I try and try and I’m sure I’ll try again – but every time I make this attempt, a little piece of my Butt-Esteem is flushed down the toilet. I find myself having nightmares of the girls (butt cheeks) giving high-fives when I least expect it and I keep happening upon the lipo listings in the yellow pages. So for now I’d like to remain in my ignorant bliss….because I do believe my ass looks fab in those tight Gillian O’Malley granny panties with the super hot waistlines that keep those babies together, comfortable, perky. Done and Done!